


We're Crumbling (Hold On)

by Clamat_Submissa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Job, Break Up, Happy Ending, M/M, Reality, Rimming, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 17:07:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4229949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clamat_Submissa/pseuds/Clamat_Submissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>reality; their relationships has been on the rocks for years now, and it's only when they address it that they start to crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Crumbling (Hold On)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheIfInLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIfInLife/gifts).



> hellooooo, love!! i hope you like this fic :) awesome prompts, i filled: Both of them know that their relationship is on the rocks but they have been so busy with the tour and life in general that their relationship is put on the back burner. One day, both of them are just exhausted and they start bickering about something that doesn't even matter and it turns into a screaming match. Both Louis and Harry end up saying things they don't mean, including that they are over. One of them eventually cracks though, and they end up back together and have some awesome, fluffy makeup sex. I have no preference for who bottoms.
> 
> thanks to the lovely Maddie for beta-ing this for meeeee ♥

They've known for a while now that their relationship isn't as healthy and normal as it's supposed to be.

 

In the beginning, their relationship was… beautiful. It consisted of stolen kisses in their bunk beds, warm hugs after X-Factor interviews, soft touches in between recordings, and unabashedly fond and enamored looks at any time, any place. They were head-over-heels for one another, to the point where they happily moved in together and it was fucking  _perfect_. They were domestic, for Christ's sake. Louis would wake up at ten in the morning and Harry would have breakfast ready, and Louis would vacuum the living room while his boyfriend did the laundry. Then, in the afternoon, Harry'd pick a movie Louis would pretend to hate and they'd order Chinese food or Pad-Thai and cuddle on the sofa. After, if they had the time, they would take a bath together and kiss their insecurities away.

 

However, as years passed and their level of fame increased by the second, they grew apart more and more. It was as if for every new fan they gained, there was another foot between them, separating them. They tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but their time was nearly over when neither of them could keep up the façade. It was just too much; the lights, the fans, the media, the expectations, themselves. They couldn't handle it. Harry and Louis' relationship was so rocky that it got to the point where the littlest things sprouted the biggest fights, and for the stupidest of reasons they didn't speak to one another for long periods of time. Eventually they stopped talking altogether, without ever defining what was left of their relationship – if anything at all.  

 

 

+

 

It's the first time during the tour that Louis sleeps in the same room as Harry.

 

Usually, he slept in Liam's room while Harry and Niall had their own rooms. This time, though, because of some miraculous mistake made by their management, only two rooms were booked, and Liam had already claimed one with Niall.

 

"Lou, you have to talk to him."

 

"I do talk to him!"

 

"No, you don't. You guys pretend you have a normal relationship when in reality, you can't go two seconds without saying something snarky about one another, and when you get in a room together you just fuck."

 

"What's wrong with fucking?!"

 

"You never fucked before! You made love to each other."

 

"Tomato, tomahto, Liam. The point is, someone's dick is up someone's ass."

 

Liam kept lecturing him but he was right; they weren't even a shadow of what they used to be. Louis can count on one hand the amount of times he and Harry actually interacted besides having sex. The problem is, everything's been so off that they've actually been avoiding each other for the past year or so; not brave enough to call it quits, not ready to say goodbye. And it's overwhelming to say the least. Louis still loves him, he does, but it's different now. Where he used to have a burning passion and butterflies, he now has a heavy weight and a numbing burden. He loves Harry with all his might, but it just… doesn't seem like it's enough anymore.

 

So when he walks into the hotel room and feels awkward as his eyes meet Harry's, who's all settled in already, he can only sigh with disappointment.

 

"Not even a minute in and you're complaining?" Harry murmurs with a sly grin, but his eyes are sad.

 

"Not about you," Louis drops his bags seven feet away from the other man's. "Not now, at least."

 

"Hmm, that's a nice change."

 

Louis looks at him and scoffs with a heavy heart. "Please, it's not like we've talked enough for me to complain about something."

 

"And whose fault is that?"

 

"Um, yours?"

 

Harry stands up at the accusation, hands balling into fists. " _Mine_? How is it possibly my fault?"

 

"I've tried!" Louis's arms flail and his voice rises. "I've tried again and again to get you to talk to me! But you always have something snarky to say. It's like you don't even want to  _attempt_  to work things out!"

 

"I fucking found a couple's counselor!"

 

"Two bloody years ago! When we barely had problems! We had normal spats and you already wanted to catalogue our relationship as unsalvageable."

 

"Louis," Harry sits down on the bed once more and puts his face in his hands. "That's when you started to not talk to me."

 

And it hits Louis like bricks, really, because in his mind barely a year has gone by since they stopped talking, but it's true. It's so damn true. Louis was the one to start ignoring him… and he perfectly remembers why. "Well, not talking didn't stop you from fucking me senseless, did it?"

 

"You gag for it every time I-"

 

"And don't fucking victimize yourself as if you have no fault!" Louis exclaims and angrily stomps towards Harry. This is the most they've talked in a year and they're not even talking; they're fighting, voices raised enough for Louis's throat and chest to hurt. "Or is your memory selective? Don't pretend like you don't know what happened."

 

"I don't! That's the entire goddamned point!" Harry stands up and faces Louis. They're close enough for their chests to touch, barely, and their faces are too red for this to feel normal, to feel real. "I don't fucking know why you decided, out of nowhere, to ignore me!"

 

"Oh, you don't, do you?" Louis says sarcastically and turns around, willing himself to take control. He's already shaking, scarily enough, and tears are threatening to spill. "Well, let me refresh your memory, darling." He punches a wall hard enough for it to echo and hurt, but too weakly for it to form a hole. "Zayn left."

 

Harry completely deflates at that, confused and sad. "What?"

 

"Zayn left," Louis repeats, his voice cracking and tears streaming freely down his cheeks. "A week before he told the label, told anyone, he called me to tell me he was going to leave the band."

 

"I- what? When-"

 

"October 28! Nick's art gallery!" He screams and turns around to look at him, entirely broken. "Remember now?"

 

  
_"Yeah, yeah, I'm heading to the airport now," Harry entered their flat stuck on the phone, loudly opening and closing the door. Louis had just ended a call with Zayn and he was bawling in the living room, his body curled into itself as his broken cries filled the space._ _Harry walked past him, not even noticing. "'M just picking up my bags. I'll leave in a mo'. See you."_   


_He ran into the bedroom and picked up his bags, which were neatly accommodated on top of their bed. He put on some deodorant, perfume and was ready to step out when a voice held him back. "Haz?" Louis softly called. "Haz, I-"_

_"Oh Lou," Harry kissed the top of his head. "I'll be back before you know it! It'll only be two weeks in LA; we can Skype or whatever."_

_"But Haz-"_

_"Lou, I really need to get going, I'm seriously late for my flight," Harry continued and practically glided towards the door. "Bye, love!"_

_"Harry-"_

_"What, Louis?" Harry cut him off, exasperated. "Can't it wait until I'm back? Can you not be so selfish for once in your life?!" And with that he slammed the door shut, leaving behind a heartbroken Louis who was now sobbing even harder._

  
_He tried to set up one or two video calls with Louis but Louis ignored them all. Harry also left over ten voicemails apologizing for screaming (he_ "didn't mean it" _, he was "_ just in a hurry" _),  but they were disregarded as well. Louis was sitting on the couch watching TV in eerie silence when Harry returned, all smiles and tanned skin. He had a new bag with him, so he must have bought some things in LA._  


_"I'm home, love!" Harry greeted and tossed his bags aside. He leaned down to give his boyfriend a kiss, but he pushed him away._

_"Don't fucking touch me," Louis hissed and stood up, walking to the other end of the couch._

_"What's your damn problem, Lou? I already apologized for calling you selfish, can we just… get over it?" Harry sighed and sat down, patting the space next to him. Louis stayed where he was. "Is this still about whatever you were crying over before? If so, we can talk about it now, if you'd like."_

  
_At first Louis doesn't reply, too flabbergasted by how nonchalant Harry's being. "No," Louis gritted his teeth. "I don't want to talk about it now, the time to talk about it is over." He angrily walked to the door and opened it, the cold air encompassing his body for a moment. "Want to know what my problem is, Harry?_ You're _my damn problem!"_  


_With that said, he left and slammed the door behind him. After that, they barely talked._

 

That memory hits Harry like a bucket of ice, and Louis can see the sadness take over his features and it hurts. It hurts because that is the reaction Louis needed then, not now. "I needed you."

 

"Lou, I'm so-"

 

"I fucking needed you, Harry!" Louis's resolve disappears and he's not holding back. His stance is still guarded but the salty tears fall down his chin and he does nothing to stop them. He knows Harry enough, still, to know that the twitch in his fingers means Harry's itching to wipe the tears away, yet knows he won't. Louis is certain he wouldn't dare, not at this instance, where he's the one who's caused them. "My best friend in the entire world was leaving the band, was leaving me. I've never had to deal with something like that personally. Haz, I needed you, and you left." His voice cracks too much and it's barely intelligible but he carries on. "You left and he left, the two people I most cared about left me."

 

"Lou," Harry walks to him and cautiously, with a carefulness they've never needed with each other, places his hands on Louis's arms and slowly draws him in. Louis tenses up at first because it's been so long since Harry's offered a sweet gesture; everything between them as of late is miscalculated and not at all romantic, it's all sexually centered. They barely touch one another unless necessary and it's so rough - which Louis loves, he loves rough sex, but he likes it just as much when the roughness is dissipated with a sweet kiss, a soft caress. When Harry's hands tighten around him and squeeze him, warmly, he melts in his embrace and sighs softly. He keeps murmuring  _I needed you, I needed you so badly_  and Harry wants to disappear. "I- I had no idea, I. I'm such a shitty boyfriend, such a shitty person, I just. I'm so, so fucking sorry."

 

Louis sniffs and nods, burrowing his face into Harry's neck. "Apology accepted."

 

They stay there for a while, embraced in one another and it feels just like before. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

 

"I was so heartbroken," Louis adds glumly. "I had to go to Liam for cuddles," he chuckles softly at the memory of Liam coddling him while dealing with his own personal sadness. "And y'know how he-"

 

"You went to Liam?"

 

The words are said so bitterly, so different from his previous ones, that it puts Louis off for a moment. "Well, yes? Who else would I–"

 

"You couldn't have gone to Niall?" Harry's hand unconsciously tightens almost painfully around Louis's arm. "Or Zayn, who was still in the band at the time? It had to be Liam?"

 

"What are you insinuating, Harry?" Louis questions with just as much spite as Harry says Liam's name with.

 

At that, the taller man separates them and scoffs. "Well, given that you've stayed in Liam's room for the last two fucking years, it's not an unwarranted question."

 

A silence falls upon them as Harry's rage settles and Louis's bafflement rises. For a moment they just stand and stare at one another, neither saying nor doing anything. It's so damn tense that Louis feels like he can't breathe. "Well, come out with it, then! You know you wanna know!"

 

Harry's jaw clenches. "Did you cheat on me with Liam?"

 

"You know what?" Louis looks up at the ceiling, thoughtful. It angers Harry even more and Louis loves it. Then, with a  _what can you do?_ expression, Louis adds, "I can't say I didn't try."

 

Harry's eyes widen, stumbling in reverse until his back hits the wall. "Y-You...you   _tried_?"

 

"Yes, I fucking tried!" Louis feels too weak to have this fight; his throat burns and his knees give in. "I wanted to feel special, Haz, I wanted to feel  _loved_." He looks up at Harry, broken, and he meets the lad's reciprocated glance. "So I kissed Liam. He kissed me back but, Haz, it felt so wrong. I couldn't handle kissing someone that wasn't you, I couldn't. Wanna know why?"

 

"Why?" Harry's response is so dry that it doesn't even seem a question.

 

"Because I loved you," Louis softly continues, weakly. "I still do. I love you and your stupid ass too much to even kiss someone else who isn't you."

 

"Didn't stop you from trying, though, did it?" Harry's voice cracks ever so slightly and when Louis looks at him now, he can see that Harry's crying and, fuck. "Loving me didn't stop you from trying to cheat."

 

"I..."  What response could Louis give him? This wasn't a moment for pathetic excuses, it was time for the harsh, crude truth, and he didn't know what to say.

 

Harry just nodded at his lack of response and smiled so sadly that Louis thinks – if he tried hard enough – he could hear Harry's heart breaking. Not his own, though. His is already shattered. "I'm leaving."

 

"Again?"

 

Harry stops mid-walk at that. "This time for real."

 

"For real?"

 

He leaves his bags there, his everything there, and he slams the door after throwing the two words neither had been brave enough, ready enough to say before that exact moment. The two words that possibly destroyed what was left of Louis.

 

_"We're over."_

 

+

 

It took Louis only thirty minutes to crack and realize that he didn't want it to end.

 

He loves Harry, he truly does, and he just… wants to work things out. Whatever it is that started distancing them in the first place, they'd deal with it. They'd deal with anything that life gave them. And if he's truly, very honest, he barely tried with Liam; it was an impulsive decision, hardly a kiss, but Louis wanted to hurt Harry so he led him to believe it was much more. Thanks to that, things are shittier than ever and Louis wants to kick himself for being so brash and childish. It was a fucking petty move.

 

He stays in the room, on the floor, for two hours, contemplating how he could possibly fix the mess they both had made yet he had worsened. Two hours should be enough time, honestly, but he's kind of hung up on the feeling of Harry's arms around him. He missed that so much. Sometimes, he wishes he could turn back time to when they were on X-Factor. He wants to return to their shared flat, wake up to Harry cooking breakfast for him, watch romcoms together while stealing kisses, share strawberry bites and champagne glasses in a rich bath. He wants it all again. And he wants Harry to want it, too.

 

He's broken out of his reverie by the door opening suddenly. He quickly stands, ignoring the pain in his numb legs, and goes towards it. Harry's there, his nose red (probably from crying), yet he looks composed, calmer and more serene.

 

"Harry, Harry," Louis throws himself onto the taller lad who, thankfully, catches him. "Haz, I'm so damn sorry."

 

"Lou-"

 

"No, no! You need to hear me!" Louis kisses his neck wetly and trails up to his check. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I exaggerated. Totally exaggerated. With the Liam thing, we barely even kissed, I couldn't. I just  _couldn't_."

 

"Louis, I-"

 

"We can work things out, please! Please!" Louis is literally begging him, and that seems so damn pathetic, but. Louis can afford to be pathetic. "Just. Just don't leave me, Haz, please,  _don't leave me_."

 

Harry stares into his eyes, his countenance unreadable. "Louis… let me, let me think about this."

 

Harry walks away and Louis resorts to what's left. " _I have loved you since we were eighteen_."

 

As Louis sings, Harry stops altogether but doesn't turn around, so his back is still facing Louis. " _Long before we both thought the same thing… to be loved and to be in love_."

 

Louis walks up to him and hugs him from the back, his head resting on top of his shoulders. " _All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you, oh_."

 

At that Harry does turn around, tears running down his cheeks and Louis catches them with his thumb. " _I wanna love like you made me feel… when we were eighteen_."

 

Harry leans down and kisses Louis, he kisses him like he means to. It's been so long since they've kissed like this; slow, languid, passionate, their lips brushing softly against one another while they familiarize again. Harry's hands cup Louis's cheeks and then smooth down to his neck. They’re both getting in touch with one another again, willing their fingers to trace areas that were once well known and familiar but now seem strange, unknown territory. They’ve had sex, yes, but it’s never been about touching and loving, just about getting off. This, though, this is entirely different.

 

Their hands make quick work with each other’s clothes, throwing them to the floor until there’s nothing left but bare skin. They stand in front of each other, staring at the other’s naked body, and their hands are twitching to keep exploring.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Harry murmurs, stepping closer into Louis’s space.

 

“You too,” Louis stares back at him and drops onto his knees, hands running up and down Harry’s thighs before licking his lips at the sight of Harry’s hard cock.

 

Louis doesn't even think about teasing the lad, because they both want it. He immediately takes Harry into his mouth and starts bobbing up and down, leisurely, moaning softly when he goes lower and lower. Harry's hands glide towards Louis's hair to stroke it tenderly, groaning every time Louis looks up at him with watery eyes.

 

"Oh, Lou, fuck," Harry moans when Louis starts suckling the head of his cock, suctioning the area slowly. The hot, wet heat of his mouth was driving Harry insane. "Yeah, Lou, just like that."

 

Louis pulls off a bit and licks around the head, soaking up the precum on his tongue before leaning up and kissing Harry, muscle slipping inside to make sure the man tastes himself. Harry groans into the kiss and presses harder, making Louis whine. His hands go to Louis's neck once more and he lightly traces the juncture between his shoulder blades as the kiss turns sweaty and slick, but still with that fiery passion they've both missed.

 

"Your turn," Harry says gruffly, breathlessly, and he guides Louis onto his back softly. Louis sighs inaudibly at the sweet attention and lets Harry handle him. When Harry runs his hands over Louis's legs he's quick to lift them up and separate them, knowing what's going to come next.

 

"You want it?" Harry asks and Louis feels a tug at his heart knowing that Harry still asks, he's making sure he wants it just as bad.

 

"Yes, Haz, I do," Louis breathes out and brings Harry forth for another kiss. "Harry, mark me, please me, make me yours again."

 

Harry nods and bites his lip before trailing a sweet line of kisses down the back of Louis's legs, relishing how they trembled when Harry pressed his lips at the back of his knees. He takes his sweet time and Louis knows not to hurry him up, knows he's just tracing his body with his lips to get connected once more.

 

Then, though, Harry's lips are on his ass, and Louis's already breathless. "You were never not mine," Harry says and licks into Louis's hole, diving his tongue inside and out, dragging it against his perineum and balls. Louis gasps and throws his head back, his hands reaching out to the bed sheets and gripping tightly until his knuckles are white.

 

"H-Harry, please," Louis begs and Harry kisses on top of the fluttering muscle, licking over it repeatedly, slipping his tongue in an off pattern so that it always surprised Louis. The smaller lad reacts wonderfully, his chest red and hot, and his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his body jolted slightly every time Harry so much as touched him. Harry slides one of his hands from Louis's leg to his hand and twines their fingers together, thumb rubbing soft circles on top and he delves his tongue once more, only this time he starts reintroducing it repeatedly; in and out, in and out, in and out.

 

"Harry, Ha-Harry, nngh," Louis whines and grinds onto Harry's tongue. "N-Not gonna last, 'f y'keep it up."

 

"That's kind of the point, isn't it, though?" Harry smiles against Louis's perineum and Louis gasps, "Fuck you."

 

Harry chuckles softly and removes his mouth. He walks to his bags and grabs some lube he always seems to carry around, just in case, and slicks his fingers.

 

"Don't you dare take your time," Louis warns, a pout gracing his bitten-raw lips. "'M too horny."

 

"No promises," Harry smirks and slowly slides his index finger in. Louis's reaction makes him harder, if possible; he arches his back and mewls so softly, so Louis-like, and Harry's missed this level of intimacy. "Missed this," he tells Louis, pressing a kiss on his chest as he slips in a second finger along with the first.

 

"Y-Yeah," Louis moans. "Ditto."

 

Louis scrunches his nose slightly and opens his mouth, his fingers twitching, and Harry knows Louis's about to come. So he takes his fingers out, slicks his cock with lube and slowly, leisurely gets inside of Louis.

 

It's as if time stopped for both of them. Louis's mouth opens more with every inch Harry enters, and Harry hides his head in Louis's neck and breathes heavily, his mind getting clouded at how good Louis felt. The tinier man moans loudly when Harry bottoms out, his chest heaving harshly.

 

"Fuck Haz, give it to me," and Harry complies, thrusting shortly, lovingly; they both feel over the moon. Harry leans down, fully inside of him, and kisses Louis – tongue and all – as they both pant into each other's mouths, Harry rocking Louis's body.

 

"God, Lou, you feel amazing," Harry moans and angles his thrusts harder and deeper, just enough to hit and press Louis's prostate.

 

"Ah, fuck!" Louis jolts upwards and separates his legs even more, his back arching sinfully. He places his hands on Harry's shoulders and glides them down his back, gripping tightly and scratching him with every thrust. Harry kisses the column of his throat, loving the feeling of Louis breathing down on his hair and moaning loudly at every press.

 

"C-Can't last much," Louis warns.

 

Harry bites into his neck and starts going faster. "Me neither," he grunts and just as he says that, he comes deep inside of Louis. The older lad follows suit at the feeling of Harry's come inside of him, leaning forward to messily kiss Harry. It all feels too sweet, too loving, and he's reminded of how things were the first three years together.

 

Harry gently takes his cock out and rolls over beside Louis, breathing heavily. They both are, really.

 

"That was-"

 

"Wow."

 

They look at each other and giggle, turning to the sides to face one another. Louis brushes his neck against Harry's and gives him an eskimo kiss while Harry smiles at him. He quickly kisses his lips before cuddling to Louis, his head on Louis's chest while his arm wraps around Harry's waist.

 

"So… did you think about it?" Louis murmurs and Harry laughs.

 

"Couldn't think much while I was fucking you," Harry says with no bite and Louis chuckles, kissing the top of Harry's head.

 

They both sigh and stay silent for a while, Louis looking up at the ceiling and Harry looking up at Louis. "We'll get through this."

 

Louis looks down, surprised, and smiles brightly. He kisses him chastely and murmurs against his mouth, "yeah, yeah we will."

 

Harry bites his lip and snuggles into Louis's chest, hands intertwined. Tomorrow things will be different. Tomorrow, they won't be cracking and breaking. Instead, they'll be taping the cracks, fixing each other up until they can show that they're not broken, just bruised.


End file.
